O Lucky Man

Any other time in history, I’d be dead.  In many other countries in the world, I’d be dead. In the U.S. I would be taking out a second mortgage to pay for my treatment and probably begging my family for help.  In fact, by mere chance and a solid helmet (thanks Giro) I’m not dead.  And thanks to Tommy Douglas, I’m not bankrupt right now.

On May 3rd I was in a very serious accident riding my bike. I was riding along commissioners in the Portlands when a handy bus cut me off.  I slammed into it doing 40 km/hr and was thrown to the ground.

I have crashed my bike before but never in my experience has something like this happened.   There is a moment in every accident where the brain processes faster than normal.  If you hear of people talking about time slowing down, this is what they are referring to. I knew I was going to hit the bus, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to avoid it and I knew it was going to hurt.

I won’t go into too many details beyond that because I have a lawyer and I have no idea what will happen.  What I did want to write about is the miracle of science.

First is the fact we have a system of EMS providers. Emergency personnel see people at their worst. I was fucked up in a bad way and they got me to the hospital quickly and efficiently.  They had this incredibly backboard which opened like scissors and came together underneath me.  This was good because rolling me would have sucked.  The equipment they have at their disposal is vast and a network like 911 is logistically impressive.

I spent a whole evening in the ER but that is not necessarily a bad thing.  Not being treated first means your injuries are not life threatening. The staff there were kind and professional, I was given heated blankets when I went into shock and all in all if I have to go to an ER again, I want St. Michaels.  I wasn’t able to drink anything which was a pain since I had been riding and was really thirsty but there was a chance I was going to need to go into surgery and you can’t eat or drink before hand.

This is what prevented me from going into surgery.  My shoulder had shattered into pieces. The ER Orthopaedic surgeon said while he could attempt to reconstruct it, I would be better off waiting for the specialist.  While this meant I would need to wait 4 days for surgery, it also meant I could finally drink some apple juice. The ER doc stitched up my cuts and after making sure I was able to move under my own power they let me leave.

Sitting at home for 4 days waiting for surgery is awful, but through the miracle of pharmacology, we have drugs to help ease the pain. (Thanks codeine!) Seriously, In the renaissance I might be given milk of the poppy  by some quack who would have then bled me with leeches or worse given nothing at all. Zuimei was shocked when he saw I only paid about $20 for the drugs.  I explained that it was all part of my health insurance coverage.

Surgery is nothing short of miraculous.  There is that great line from that movie Malice with Nicole Kidman and Alec Baldwin.

“When someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their wife doesn’t miscarry, or their daughter doesn’t bleed to death, or that their mother doesn’t suffer acute neural trauma from post operative shock, who do you think they are praying to? Now go ahead and read your bible, Dennis. And you go to your church and with any luck you might win the annual raffle, but if you’re looking for God he was in operating room number 2 on November 17th and he doesn’t like to be second guessed. You ask me if I have a God complex? Let me tell you something, I AM GOD. “

I was amazed at the complexity of the operating room. I am not sure how many people there were but there was at least two nurses, two doctors and an anaesthesiologist. This group moved with efficiency and precision. Clearly they had done this dance before.

Steps were taken to make sure that I was comfortable and felt safe, which was reassuring since surgery is a pretty scary experience. The technology in the room was truly mind boggling: heart monitors, blood pressure, machines to help me breathe, and on and on.  Things whirring and buzzing, beeping and dripping I was impressed with how they were able to keep it all straight.

I now have metal plates in my arm, more technology. Someone said to me that orthopaedic surgery is more like carpentry. It involves hammers and screws, saws and plates. Personally I think it must be part art form.  In there is also bone glue.  Can you imagine being the person who came up with that?

Now in the x-ray you can see the staples which held the incision together. I don’t know when this technology arrived but I think it is genius.  Why bother with tiny sutures when you can just staple gun it!  You know that someone is going to invent surgical duct tape, if they haven’t already.

Here is a video of they type of surgery that was done on me.  Only my shoulder was in 17 pieces, not 4.

I got lucky.  I get to keep my shoulder.  Yes, there is a lot of pain. Yes, there is lots of bruising. Yes, it is going to take a long time to heal. To close the gap between the ball and my shoulder will take months of physiotherapy.  But I got to walk away from this.  I am a lucky man.