As we are celebrating another Pride month and approaching the big Pride celebration I think back on my life as an out, proud, gay man. Let me start by saying I am not proud to be gay — any more than I am proud to be white, blue-eyed, or right-handed. And I don’t mean because being gay is something you are born with. Whether being gay is a choice or not is irrelevant.
The pride isn’t in the being gay, it is in the resiliency to be gay in the face of adversity. And if you think that gay people are not still facing headwinds, you’re not paying attention. Statistics Canada reports a rise in hate crimes targeting sexual orientation. Including a “Pride Month” spike in which police data consistently notes a dramatic spike in hate-motivated incidents during the month of June, with incidents often doubling or tripling the monthly average for the rest of the year.
Not all the challenges are so obvious either. I live in the village. I love it here, but there are a lot of homeless and people with mental health issues. The gay village has a disproportionate number of people suffering with mental illness. Part of it is access to the 519 which services the LGBT+ community. But, I can’t help but wonder if it’s also because police hassle the homeless less here — and police aren’t really a welcome group here to begin with. Residents hassle them less too, since they know what it means to struggle. Not that the village gives them rainbows and sunshine either.
Another challenge gays face: rent-seeking landlords are pushing queer-operated businesses out of the neighbourhood, and we’re losing our community as a result. Glad Day bookstore is a perfect example. They were the gay bookstore in town. I remember visiting them on Yonge street and then on Church street. They’re currently at 32 Lisgar street, which is far away on Queen Street West.
Part of the reason is that is the business model changed. They became less bookstore and more event space but that is probably because they were struggling to make ends meet. Gays can now buy their books off of Amazon. A Korean BBQ restaurant now occupies the space Glad Day used to. I don’t know if this is a price we pay for acceptance.
If you come to the village on a Friday night you will see lots of non-queer people standing in line for the various clubs. That is great for the businesses but personally I don’t like seeing outsiders taking over our spaces. I know we’re all supposed to be inclusive, but not every bar needs to host someone’s bridal shower. Not every bar needs a drag show. Thrilled that it’s become mainstream, but fuck off with the glitter already.
I understand that many women feel safer in gay bars, but this is our space. Men, even gay men behave differently when women are present. I want a leather bar to remain a leather bar. I miss when the Black Eagle actually had the rules posted outside. Now to have a male only space we need to get near naked. (See the ad for the Black Eagle’s jock night)
I know that I am fortunate to work and live in Canada. I have equal standing in the eyes of the law. The eyes of the police are another matter the Pussy Palace raid was in 2000 which was not that long ago. In fact the Toronto Police apologized for the raid 16 years later. The public apology is rejected by Women’s Bath House Committee member, Chanelle Gallant: “we don’t see the apology as being meaningful because it doesn’t reflect a change in the actual practices of the police.”
Japan didn’t recognize my marriage. While the city of Nikko recognized it, the Federal government did not. So I could not get a spousal visa and remain in the country. It’s the reason I came back to Toronto. I couldn’t remain and make a living. despite my husband being a citizen. Gays are still fighting for basic rights in a first world country.
In many countries, gays are fighting for their very lives. Usually countries with a strong religious current. Personally, I’m tired of tiptoeing around people’s religious sensibilities. If you want an imaginary friend, that’s great but keep it to yourself. In other countries, gays are scapegoated for the countries ills. Where the very act of being, is criminalized.
When you look at all the headwinds gays face it would be easy to give up. It would be easy to shrink, or to try and blend in. Dan Savage put it well, “We buried our friends in the morning, we protested in the afternoon, and we danced all night. The dance kept us in the fight because it was the dance we were fighting for.”